Feb 7 -

thefrenemy: I’ve already done my laundry today and it is folded and put away! Of course I have no responsibilities right now, we can just get drunk all day on this Wednesday. I love handing over my rent check, it feels somewhat like flying Why yes, ‘dancing to *NSync in my underwear’ is on my resume? So now I get ALL the money in the world? My credit card bill is so manageable, you know? I have the exact weapon to kill this orc/zombie/cyborg and live  You mean Mufasa never died? Yeah, let’s go see Harry Potter 9 this weekend I slept a reasonable amount Cheese goes straight to your hips? Weird, it just makes my hair longer. My alarm went off and I just woke up immediately! You mean Snookie just EXPLODED oh jeez I mean, I work out but it’s so easy and enjoyable it’s like watching Netflix and snacking Open bar? Singing this out loud sounds as melodic and wonderful as I thought it might No, I’m only on the Internet a sane amount a day Everybody we had brunch with brought CASH! Wait, so we’ve never talked and you’ve found me hot this WHOLE TIME too? No, I don’t want to watch this You-Tube video No, I don’t want to hear about your dreams A marathon of freaky medical conditions and Intervention is on! All my friends live so close I can see them all the time It’s light jacket weather! My hair looks really great constantly Of course I don’t feel like rocks are pushing down on my chest when I have to talk to new people at parties Good thing I don’t procrastinate or else I would be screwed right now I love dangling my feet over the edge of my bed so the monsters can feast on it Oh, you’re vampire? So is Dakota Fanning? Hmm. Wanna make out? I have acquired the WHOLE SEASON of my favorite show on this illegal DVD that nobody will ever catch me for My nail polish just won’t chip! No, I don’t just get caught by the tides of the rivers of responsibility and sadness Of course gays can get married in every state. What is this..2009 or something? Being in my 20s feels so easy and enjoyable Take a number, gentleman callers interested in me! I know exactly what I want to eat Friday already? That went so fast! There is this puppy in my room and it loves me  Spotify got rid of it’s commercials? Cool! I have so much money for new clothes You mean I won a Grammy for my karaoke skills? No, I don’t care to know about his ex! All of these clothes I tried on look so GREAT on me and they fit like gloves I can’t believe this perfect dress is in my size and on sale! Oh yes, I absolutely have a lot of groceries in my fridge including perfectly ripe avocados  I have both hummus and things to dip the hummus in  Is that Michael Fassbender? Oh, we’re real tight, I better say hi. Only ten minutes and our delicious restaurant food came already! What a surprise! I like you and I’m not going to be creepy about it at all because I’m not creepy, I’m just endlessly adorable I’m so glad you enjoy those drunk texts I sent you because you are so great You are so great and I can tell you this because I don’t have a crippling fear of rejection built up slowly, years at a time. These commercials don’t bother me at all This Internet is almost TOO fast I have nothing bad to say about my friend’s new significant other I don’t have to pee at all Of course you can give me a massage, person that is not gross I am so excited to hear about your on-again, off-again boyfriend, again! More! BRAVO! MORE STORIES!! So unshaved legs are IN? So unplucked eyebrows are hot now???? Adding guac to this burrito is FREE? No pants needed I won at this board game and I wasn’t even a dick about it! This Law and Order ep doesn’t put the fear of the LORD in me I was right about this fact that I was really stubborn about but still had no real evidence that I was right This mascara was real easy to wash off My commute was such a breeze This baby is so quiet in the movie theater! I can’t believe nobody’s even obnoxiously whispering! My apartment’s totally clean, come on over it’s like a Windex commercial in this bitch I have nothing to complain about I feel the little joys of this lovely life I am not annoyed I’m not nervous all the time at all Romance is fun and enjoyable People are great Please, don’t kill me I love when people cut me off in traffic/teenage girls talk in the mall This is exactly what I mean “Cheese goes straight to your hips? Weird, it just makes my hair longer.” lolol fereeever. (via believies)